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So that's why I have not been checking out deviations, replying to messages, etc. Even though I have been coming to DA constantly. I couldn't even get a Christmas wishing Journal out or make a video to wish you all a Merry Christmas as I wanted to do. With that being said, I hope you've had a good one. 
I am closing down commissions.
or whatever you want in it 
I'm Finally Asking For Help
I have mentioned before that it is extremely difficult for me to ask for any help of any kind, but I reckon that if I don't, I will drown, as I am already too tired to keep swimming on my own and I am getting desperate. TL;DR: I live in an extremely toxic household and this is literally killing me. Go through some of my past posts all over and you'll find me talking about this issue and how it's always been hindering my progress. I said this before and will say it again: I already wish I was actually dead. At this rate, it is only a matter of time until I snap and actually take action on that wish. For far too long I've been living under extreme amounts of constant stress, emotional and psychological abuse. To the point where I developed deep depression and suicidal thoughts. For years I've been venting about it here on DA to try and lighten my chest a bit, but that's the most I could ever do about it. I've come to the conclusion that the only way I'll be able to move on is if I can
Decaying Health and Finances
I don’t know how to really start this nor what I actually want to say, but I’ve been meaning to post something for days now, though I’ve been in such a bad state for so long now that the energy to even think what to write has been non-existent. I also have no idea if this is going be another long Journal (probably) but I’ll try to keep it as short as I can. I suppose that I should address some things from a couple of recent Journals of mine, namely this àhttps://www.deviantart.com/mike-dragon/journal/I-Don-t-Want-to-Play-Anymore-1028684784 and this one --> https://www.deviantart.com/mike-dragon/journal/I-Need-a-Game-Over-Short-Vent-1032783859 Health So about that acute weakness my dad started feeling that keeps him from being able to stand up and walk on his own. Turns out that is caused primarily by two factors: His heart is not in good shape (first factor) and has become too weak to pump blood around as it should, causing low blood pressure which in turn causes a lack of energy to
I Need a Game Over (Short Vent)
As the days go on the more and more I come to believe that my only purpose in this world is to be a servant to the will of others and give up on all of my needs and wants and just quietly accept everything that is imposed upon me. Just about a week go I was forced to give up livestreaming and for the past couple weeks I couldn't do anything but to dedicate basically 24 hours of the day to the care and aid of my elderly father. Absurd amounts of stress and financial distress surely are not helping either, and with each new day that goes by, I more and more am convinced that unless I manage to move out and live alone, away from my family, the more likely it is that one day I may cause my life to end early, for as I have already exposed on a long Journal here on DA (https://www.deviantart.com/mike-dragon/journal/I-Don-t-Want-to-Play-Anymore-1028684784) a few days ago, I already wish I'd go to sleep one night and simply never woke up again. Right now I literally cannot even get a s#itty
I Don't Want to Play Anymore
This is a very long wall of text but in it I tried to open up my heart a bit, which is no easy task for me. In it I am not asking for anything, only expressing how I am feeling and the reasons why I am in such state and my lack of perspective for a good future for me. If you read it all, then thank you for the patience. There may be typos, I did not proof-read it. I just blindly trusted Word's autocorrect function on top of my own writing skills. Ok so, following up on a post I made a few weeks ago (https://www.deviantart.com/mike-dragon/status-update/As-the-days-go-on-1023507864), it is now almost guaranteed that I’ll be forced to abandon livestreaming (and possibly art commissions) due to how my life is. And those only to say the least. This week my dad developed an acute weakness on his legs and now has a big deal of trouble standing up and walking on his own, requiring constant attention, meaning that at all times, I must drop everything that I am doing to aid him, even when he
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I hope you had a great Valentines Day, I did! 